Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
