69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
