Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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