dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
