JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
