Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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