The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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