I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
