Please, let me fuck your mom
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
17 year olds will be the death of me.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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