He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm sobbing to NWA
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
