I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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