i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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