I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
