All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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