If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we're making bets on your personal life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
