I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
