you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
