please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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