Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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