I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
