Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
