True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
