what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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