why didn't you poke me back
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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