bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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