I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Life is so much better after having sex.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
