i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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