Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
