Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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