i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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