So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
