My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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