Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i need some magic done to my vagina
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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