It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
