There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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