Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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