I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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