i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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