i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
