I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
