Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize