We got so high we made milksteak
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
