he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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