I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
