I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
