Yo dont text me then not text me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
