I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
