My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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