I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
