ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
