I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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