She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
