She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
