I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
