Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Small penises have feelings too.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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