and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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