I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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