idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
