Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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