Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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