did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
