PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm passing your future prison.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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