please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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