just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
