I cannot find my penis.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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