On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you win again, gameday.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
