Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You had me at "let me see your balls"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize