There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
