i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize