i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
