I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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