You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
