i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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