So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
