apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
