actually, I'm a sock model
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
