But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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