If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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