I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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