I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
