there was a trapeze. enough said
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
